Who's in your 5? - I Gotta Feeling

So I’m 32 years old. I’ve experienced a good many things. Maybe not as much as I want or as much as others. But these are my top 5 feelings.

5. So I’m going to start this off with sadness. Death. I hate it, I’m scared of it and when I think of not being here to experience my kids life or losing my mom and dad, it freaks me out. The worst was when my grandma (my dad’s mom) passed. I was the closest to her. You’re not supposed to have favorites but she was my favorite. I’d go over and see her after school. I’d skip seeing HS basketball games to go see her and eat supper with her and watch Dukes of Hazzard. When they came on reruns on Spike she’d watch them and I’d come over and watch with her. Every Sunday we’d go over after church and walking in the breeze way door you’d smell the meat she’d been cooking for an hour or so already. And to snitch a few bites, it was great. Her last year was in an assisted living home and I was gone a bit and didn’t get to see her much. I remember the call 2 days before my birthday. My mom came down right away to my room saying grandma was gone. She was going to breakfast, asked the person helping her she wanted to sit a second. Then she was gone. I didn’t cry a lot right away. Went to college and handed my paper. Then started spring break. I cried a lot at the funeral and visitation. It sucked.

4. I still remember this clear as a day. The moment I officially became a dad. In the operating room for the C-Section. Until then I didn’t realize what it meant to be a dad. I understand this that women have a connection to the baby from onset. But for the dad it’s kind of a outsider experience, at least it was for me. I had no idea what was coming, what I was going to feel. It seemed like it only took 5 minutes. Talking to the drug doctor, talking to Shawnna. And then the guy said to me, “there’s the baby” I stood up and looked and said loudly enough that everyone in the room looked at me “OH MY GOD!” There was Addyson. We didn’t know if she was going to be a girl or a boy, but felt it was going to be a girl. She was of course covered in goo to put it nicely. But at that moment life changed. I had someone who I had to be responsible for. It’s not just “ME”, it’s her too. Addyson was a perfect baby. She slept through the night at 3 mos. Can sleep through a nuclear explosion. A smart clever little girl.

3. Ok, this is a cool feeling and a weird feeling, and I’m sure it’s probably a lot different for females rather than males. But babies, (fetus more technical term) kicking while in a tummy. I swear that is the coolest and weirdest feeling that irks me out and gives me chills and is cool. The first time it’s like what the hell. Then it’s like, do it again, do it again. Like I said I’m sure being female and having a rib kicked or liver kicked is a lot different that the way us males feel it.

2. To this day this still happens, it happened when I was a boy, and now that I’m 32. The first time I walk into Kinnick Stadium a year. Walking into that brick structure. The darkened concourse. Walking through the crowd to my section, it hits me. I get goose bumps. Walking up the ramp you can see the press box. Then the goose bumps get bigger. Then as I get closer to the top of the ramp, it’s there, the green field. The white lines. The players out there warming up. I get so pumped up and that is like a climax of anticipation of getting to see Kinnick and the Hawkeyes.

1. Any time my kids come up and just hug me and say “I love you daddy” Really, how can that be topped?